arggh... so much for today. AGAIN.
its 4 20pm goin dark fast - i just awake - its so grim out there its unbelievable..clouds of freezing fog slowlly rolling over the land lit up in batches by the headlights of the rush hour gridlocked traffic and the sky is a dark grim all covering ominipresent grey.
i'm goin to force myself into town a 10 mins walk away once i can be bothered to get dressed.. its been like endless night for the last few days - i work nights..almost all my life since i was 18..
finished work saturday at 5 am - then stupidly enough got onto this thing and was talkin to a girl who i work with till 9-10 am - why we couldnt do this at a more normal hour i dont know.. the plan was too sleep for 2-3 hours then awake to go shop - get some bacon and oatcakes (its a stoke thing) for sunday breakfast/lunch. this didnt happen of course - 5 30 - awakess.... its dark - not goin out there. shops shut etc... i eats crunchy nut cornflakes and watch tv - bill and ted's bogus journey at 6pm - class film - cheers me up abit..watch second half of XXX while pizza is cookin - caught it the instant orbital were playin that cheezy russian rave thing - funnny tho. - then watched rome on bbc1. - fired up the sequencer at midnight... did some structuring to a loop i been workin on the last few days.... its VERY dark :| woooo.
felt tired . went sleep at 1 am in ma clothes - thought i might make it till 6 or 7.
3 am awakes - goes back online - chats abit - does some myspace stuff.. flick on tv about 5 am watch world new today.... 5 30 check out who's on this years I AM A CELEBRITY LEAVE ME IN THIS JUNGLE TO ROT - nobody really of interest. oh well. 6 30 - go back bed thinkin get up about 10 or 11 i can go get some bacon and egg sandwhiches from the pie shop down the street and do stuff in the day. - don't feel i need to set alarm clock as i've slept enough.
3 30 pm i wake up. - fuck. its just confusing and does my head in. its 4 40pm now - i gotta go to town get some food but its dark and cold and i dont wanna go out and its rush hour and everythin is busy and i'm just awakin.. so no doubt i'll be awake all night again lurkin in ma room with the boxes and flashin lights..
i need to wash and put some fresh clothes on - its freezing in ma bathroom...no heating - its below zero outside too. argh.
so yeah - all makes me feel abit crappy really
better go now - everywhere closes at 5 30 and its 4 45...
:|
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well it didnt end up so bad - i bumped into some friends in town who dragged me off to local pub after we went shoppin for a lamp
- i think i need more light as i dont see much, so now i got like - 3 lights in ma room - and heater which glows like the SUN and errr three - ( god i am a geek :| ) - three lcd screens on sometimes.. the 32 inch one gets really warm too so if i like put on a dvd of somewhere hot or the holiday channel i just sit really close and touch the screen man woah wowness
and after 3 beers i've been convinced to go back to spanish class which i dropped out - i'll give it ago....its hard in the darkness to remember what the sun is like but hey u can but try.
your life sounds pretty nice actually! - mine isnt so bad i guess i'm just being a miserable bugger
its now midnight - watched 10pm news and newsnight - mostly talkin about nuklear power and how blair says its what we need to keep us runnin....as north sea gas is gonna dry up soon and the middle east - well its all kaboom boom isnt it.
nukeYAalll power. MASSIVE KABOOOOM
oh well. apparently the french have lots of reactors so if they went tits up we're fucked anyway. bring it on.
shame they all aint spendin more money on nuclear fusion - ya know - like what doc oc makes in spiderman 2.... it can be done....if enough money is spent on it i am sure... and yah it is slowly.... but really... national missle defence and all that - 51billion dollars spent on it so far just to find u cant shoot down nukes - easily.
surely if we all had cheap clean fusion power nobody would really wanna bother throwing the nukes around??? i mean if the whole world has enough power for their playstations and plasma tv's - whats there to goto war over??
oh ya. was watchin news package on iraq...fell asleep by then - woke up 11 20pm... caught the rest of program - iraq the reckoning Iraq: The Reckoning just confims everything u thought anyway. that the war is all a pointless waste of lives and money.. the elections are all crap - people vote for who they are told to on religious and sectarian grounds.. women now have to walk around covered from head to foot - which never happened under saddam.. and are stoned to death - beaten - executed if not dressed like that. its horrible the mess made there - all in freedom and democracy and the name of all that crap.
should have stayed in afghanistan - that place needing fixing - saddam would have gone in time. now we abandoned the afghans - a place where a young tv presenter was killed for fronting a show showing western pop videos - executed outside her home - after she was fired from the tv station because of the stations fear of being attacked.
even afghan ministers have not really condemed this sort of behaviour as its seen to be protecting islam from corrupting western infulence.. i dont really understand islam - all i know is it LIKES a fight - or seems too... the elements that say its peacefull dont really seem to have a voice.. as allways bombs and bullets are louder than reasoned words and compromise.
i wonder who said the pen is mighter than the sword? did they get far with that philosphy? maybe it was gandi? hmmmm ok if ya got god knows how many billions of indians following ya then it might reign true..
i feel betrayed over iraq....bush is an idiot he knows not what he does - i think he means well and does the best by his limited skills...
now blair - blair is far more inteligent - he can debate things and when he talks its like hes talkin from his own brain and not a sheet or autocue (brain implant maybe with bush?)
i voted for blair once - maybe twice but i think once - i'm ashamed to have done that now... really feel let down about all this but i guess also its my fault -
blair is a coward and weakling he should have stood up to bush and said NO - it really might have made a difference
he had so many ppl advising him against it - and - that inteligence about the 45 minute till chemical weapon death was all bullshit.... 'sexed up' as they say.
but
would i be saying this if the war went well and we'd liberated these poor people from the tryanny of saddam?
he was a bad dude afterall.
i guess i'll never know.
(gives himself 2 kudos things hoping they can be cashed in as tokens for beer)
now midnight + 33
psh it doesnt work when i press the kudos button thingy i wanted the blasted beer tokens! yarghhhh
now 1 10 am watchin documentary about G8 protesters at the G8 summit at gleneagles in scotland this year... lots of different people protestin about alot of things - not all ya hippys...
but mostly!
alot of police toooo hmmmmmm - quite hardcore.
next time will be banned no doubt - incase some hippy is a terrorist. yeah right.
its now 8 40 am. the same day- i havnt been sleep since last post.
worked on some music - 2 tracks in the night - basic structuring of one and building up the main loop of another... both mellow trax so didnt really need headphones or loudness. - - tho no doubt ma neighbour will moan - isnt my fault the walls are paper thin. and i was here first.
watched some learning german language programs for a few hours while messin online... i'd like to goto berlin - loooks nice... and yah - there is even a beach some 45 mins hour away from center of city.
and then there is THIS tropical island thing
OH MY GOD. its just nuts - on one of the german program's they were talkin about a new zepplin airship type thing called the cargolifter - and i checked the site - the company has gone bust but they built a MASSIVE BEYOND BELIEF aircraft hanger for em - and yah - its been turned into a blooody tropical island paradise! - sure beats my local waterworld :|
then talked to fluffy for abit - she's nice.
8 44.
so what have i achieved? not alot. maybe i'll go get ma bacon sandwhiches and eat em before i go sleep. i need to get an envelope and pay off yet another bill i got demands for..why i am so lazy with these things at the moment i dont know.
the new lamp looks cool behind the tv - well the glow of its red lightbulb does anyway... and its grey and the freezing fog is back.
i'll prolly go sleep half 9. - wake up about 5 - 6. goto work at 9pm till 6 am - its tuesday now isnt it? i get confused.
hasta luego ya all.
Tek
and its 10 49 am - i've just ate ma bakon sandwhich and been watchin blair being cross examined by the mp select committies on tv.
i really should sleep :|
6 45pm - been awake for 45 mins - ate crunchy nut cornflakes and cuppa tea - more tea required - stay off the coffee till at least 10pm as i gotta work at casino till 7am-ish.
its dark - cold but clear today - more crisp - stars ocassionally visable and no freezing fog and doom laden clouds - so thats a bonus.
still done no spanish work - i wanna do it, its an interesting class - gets me out of the house doing somethin - but i'm lazy.. i think? dunno - its like i cant be much bothered with anythin - i allways fail things so why bother? tho i know if i try i'll prolly succeed or do half decent in it.
but i just dont do anythin. sit here and type - push buttons and twiddle knobs... leave the house to go work - supermarket for food. thats much about it.
its depressing - makes me feel real bad about myself - its like some kinda deathwish? beyond being lazy - its like i'd rather not move at all at times..
nice long warm sleep
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